


rose and jadie

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Affairs, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Divorce, F/F, F/M, Infidelity, M/M, Marriage, Might Be Continued?, decided to make it a rosejade au, so basically i've been watching too much grace and frankie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-31 15:39:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8584054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “There’s not a she,” he told her, “It’s… It’s a he.” Rose blinked at Dave. Puzzle pieces were falling into place. She restrained herself from looking over at John. Holy shit. No wonder they did it together. They weren’t coincidentally leaving both of them for no reason, they were- “I’m leaving you for John.” There was a full moment of quiet at the table before Jade exclaimed, at the near top of her lungs, “Are you fucking kidding me?”





	

**Author's Note:**

> grace and frankie is a good fucking show. 
> 
> they're all like late twenties/early thirties here btw somewhere about there

The moment Rose stepped into the restaurant, Jade saw her taking up her reservations and waved excitedly at her. It was the most genuine fake happiness Rose had ever seen. If it wasn’t for the twitch in her grin that she’d come to recognize as the sign of a plastered-on expression, she probably wouldn’t be able to tell. But after nearly a decade of spending too much time with Jade Strider, she could be read like a book. 

She hiked her purse further up onto her shoulders and walked over to their table, her heels making a clicking sound that got her a few looks. She slid into the seat across from Jade and smiled politely. 

“Hey, Rose!” Jade greeted, punctuating her sentence by taking a bite of the complimentary bread. 

“Hello, Jade,” Rose said, as unexcited as she could possibly sound. She waved over a waiter, and told him simply, “Lime daiquiri.” 

He nodded and was off. Jade was still smiling at her when her gaze rested back onto her face. Her eyeliner was smudged. Rose resisted the urge to mock her awful coordination when it came to make-up. 

“So,” she started, drawing out the ‘o’ for such a period Rose found herself biting back an even bitchier expression, “How was your day?” 

“Absolutely mediocre,” Rose replied, looking down at the break basket for such a time that Jade pushed it towards her with the end of the knife she’d been using to butter her second piece. 

Rose gave up in the end and grabbed a piece, the corner of her lips twitching in annoyance when Jade giggled.

“How is Jake?” she asked, delicately pulling a piece of her bread and popping it in her mouth. 

“Fantastic!” Jade trilled, “He’s coming back from Italy in…” she counted on her fingers, “Round-about two weeks.” 

“How was his time spent in Europe?” 

“He says he loved it.” 

“Well, tell him he better invite me next time,” Rose ate another speck of bread as Jade laughed.

“Will do! So, did John clue you in on the big secret?” 

“I’m afraid I know as little as you seem to, Jade,” Rose told her, setting her half-eaten bread on her plate, “It will probably be something of importance to match the tone of this restaurant. It has to be costing them to bring us here, no?” 

“It’s sure a step up from Olive Garden!” Jade agreed, “I’m excited. What do you think it is? Kids?” 

“Sorry to break this to you, Jade, dear, but I feel like we would be the ones to announce if we were having kids,” Rose snorted faintly, which caused Jade’s ever-constant smile to falter a little. Rose hated making an idiot of Jade since she was very well-meaning, but her well-meaningness ground on her after time. Besides, she wouldn’t lie and say she liked Jade. They clashed. Awfully. 

“Maybe they’re buying houses in South America for us. Brazil?” 

“Brazil has horrible water pollution issues and they’re suffering awful economic issues.”

“Well, maybe in Central America, then,” she said and didn’t do well at disguising the bitterness in her voice. Rose felt a smirk coming on. When she got Jade to break the perky front, it was a little entertaining. 

She opened her mouth to bring up negativity about Central America, but Jade hurriedly interrupted her with, “Oh, look, the boys are here.” 

Rose didn’t even turn to greet them. Dave kissed Jade before he sat down and Rose tipped up her chin when John tried to kiss her from behind to help him out a little. Once everyone was seated, Dave grabbed a piece of bread and took a huge bite of it.

“So, what’s with the fanciness?” Jade asked, glancing to either side of herself, “You had something to tell us, gentleman?” 

Dave took another bite of bread and gestured to John, who stared at him helplessly.

“John..?” Rose prompted, raising an eyebrow, “Is something the matter?”

“What?” he asked, defensive, and then laughed, “Oh, what, no, we’re fine.” 

It was a fake laugh. Rose had known John for longer than she’d known Jade and some things she could tell. Truthfully, she felt anyone with basic common sense and grasp of human nature could tell it was fake. John was not a good actor. Perhaps that was why he only liked terrible ones.

John glanced at Rose, then Jade, then at Dave for help. Dave sighed and ate the rest of his roll. “We’ve, um, we’ve gotta talk to you two about something.” 

After Dave started, John relaxed a little and added, “Yeah! We thought it might be a good idea to do this together.” 

“Are either of you pregnant?” Rose questioned as the waiter came back around with her drink, and he gave her a weird look as he sat in before her. John spared another little laugh and Dave just shook his head. 

Dave stopped the waiter. “What’s that?” he gestured towards Rose’s drink. 

“Lime daiquiri.” 

“Do you have apple ones?” Dave asked the waiter, who nodded. 

“Yes, sir, we do.” 

“Fuck yeah, get me one of those.” 

Rose rolled her eyes. “Do you want anything, John?” 

“No, I’m alright, Rosie,” he gave her a little smile and the waiter left. Something was peeving John, Rose could tell. His eyes instinctively went back to Dave and he coughed in case attention had not been on him, which it most certainly was. 

“So, well, we’ve been meaning to tell you for a while now. It’s just kind of hard to do, you know?” 

“Right!” John chimed in, “So we’re doing it now! We thought, you know, we could soften the blow a little if we were all here.” 

Jade glanced at both of them. “Are you guys selling drugs or something?” 

John assured her that they were not, and Dave muttered that it’d be easier to tell them if they were.

Rose had growing suspicions as to why they were called here. Perhaps they had lost their jobs? Gotten demoted, at the least? Maybe there were family issues. Or they had fallen out of their friendship. Whatever it was, it was causing Dave and John to both seem awkward and hesitant to discuss it. Rose took a sip of her drink, her black lipstick barely staining the glass, a trait she had nearly perfected. 

“You two can tell us anything,” she reminded them, casting her vision at both of their ends, gaze lingering on John. He looked away from her as soon as it lasted over two seconds. 

“Maybe it’s easier if we just… come out and say it,” Dave said, spreading his hands apart to signify these words . Rose stopped herself from chastising him with ‘elbows off the table.’ Jade laid a hand on his arm. 

“You know you can tell us anything, Dave. We’ll stand by you no matter what. At least, I’ll stand by you,” her eyes momentarily shifted to Rose, who bit back a snarky comment. 

Dave slowly moved his arm so that Jade’s hand fell from it. “I know.” 

She looked confused, and her eyebrows furrowed. “Well, um,” she placed her hands back in her lap, “Do you want to order before we get into it?”

“Yes!” John effectively answered for Dave, “Do you all know what you want?” 

Rose couldn’t figure out why John seemed so jumpy. He looked scared and excited at the same time. Why would he be excited if this admittance was something bad? Was he exhilarated just to put it out there? 

The waiter came back around and collected their orders. When there was no longer a menu John could pretend to inspect to get out of the conversation, he spoke, “So, uh, Rose! How was work?” 

“Uneventful,” she told him simply, “Kankri made a fuss about his relationship issues during our break, yet again, but my patients were just fine. Though I can’t disclose anything about them.” 

“Well, at least we’re not ruining a great day,” Dave spoke up. 

“Oh, come on, you won’t ruin anything, Davey!” Jade assured him, “Just spill the beans already!” 

John tapped his fingers on the table anxiously. 

“It can’t possibly be that bad,” Rose said, taking a sip of her daiquiri.

“Yeah!” Jade added, “You know, even if it is bad, I’m sure we’ll find a way to-,”

“I’m leaving you,” Dave blurted out. Jade broke off halfway through her encouragement and her smile died instantly. 

“And, um…” John beckoned Rose’s attention by holding up two fingers, “I’m leaving you, too.” 

“You’re-!” Jade started off so loudly that a few people stared. She lowered her voice to a hiss, “You’re  _ what?”  _

“You two decided to do this together?” Rose asked in disbelief, “Why would that be a good idea?” 

“Well, um, yeah!” John chuckled nervously, “There’s a reason, though, um, you see-,”

“Why? Who is she, Dave, what’s her name!” 

“There’s not a she,” he told her, “It’s… It’s a he.” 

Rose blinked at Dave. Puzzle pieces were falling into place. She restrained herself from looking over at John. Holy shit. No wonder they did it together. They weren’t coincidentally leaving both of them for no reason, they were- 

“I’m leaving you for John.” 

There was a full moment of quiet at the table before Jade exclaimed, at the near top of her lungs, “Are you  _ fucking  _ kidding me?” 

People turned to stare at her. Dave cringed. “Jade, c’mon, babe-,” 

“Don’t call me ‘babe!’” she shrieked, “What the hell is wrong with you! I cannot believe you!” 

Rose inhaled deeply and looked over at John, who looked terrified. Jade was very obviously about to start screeching at Dave some more, and Rose couldn’t really blame her, but she held up a finger to her and Jade let out the breath she’d taken before she went completely off on her, as of now, ex-husband.

“How long?” she asked John simply. 

“Um…” he glanced over at Dave briefly, “Four years.” 

“Four-!” Jade cut herself off and screamed silently, “And you’re just now telling us?” 

“Sit down, Jade,” Rose told her, and Jade looked like she wanted to argue for a moment before she did. She did, though, very dramatically take off her wedding ring and slide it over to Dave, who stared at it as if he didn’t know what to do with it. Rose flexed her fingers, inspecting her own ring, but she refrained from taking it off. 

“We’re sorry we didn’t tell you sooner,” John said, “it’s just hard to admit something like this. We never wanted to hurt you.” 

“Bullshit,” Jade muttered under her breath. She grabbed Dave’s daiquiri and took a long drink, “This is mine now, asshole.” 

“That’s fair.” 

“So you’re divorcing us? Both of you?” Rose ate another piece of bread. She couldn’t let them understand how completely taken off-guard and hurt she was. She was  _ embarrassed _ most of all for not seeing it sooner. She was a therapist, for fuck’s sakes, and she prided herself on being able to read any situation flawlessly. How the hell hadn’t she seen her husband had been cheating on her with her step-brother for four years?

John and Dave both nodded. John was messing with his glasses, keeping his eyes trained on the empty plate in front of himself. Dave seemed to be swallowing a lump in his throat every time the silence went on for another second. 

“Joy. Knowing how our country treats men in divorce settlements, I hope you two get fucked,” she took another sip of her drink. She saw Dave tense, and she knew that he wanted to explode into a rant of meninist rage. John just twiddled his thumbs and stared meekly at the table. 

“Well, thank god we didn’t have kids!” Jade spoke up, stealing the piece of bread Dave had just taken off his plate. She took a bite so angrily out of it that it looked like she was envisioning ripping off Dave’s head with her teeth.

“Yeah, those kiddies would’ve been fucked,” Dave’s attempt at lightening the situation with his dry humor were fruitless. And so was he, as Jade continued to drink his apple daiquiri. 

“We’ve been married for nine years, John,” Rose refused to meet his eyes, and she knew he wouldn’t want to meet hers, “Nine years and you’ve been… you’ve been going behind my back for almost half of that.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“No, you’re not!” Jade exclaimed, “You’re both cowards! Why didn’t you tell us?” 

“ _ Jade,”  _ Rose warned. Being hostile wouldn’t do anything good in this situation. Jade looked at her and Rose felt something that wasn’t masked by her distaste for her. Genuine empathy. She looked so awfully distressed and it was so foreign to see her green eyes wide and her lip trembling.

“Oh, shit, don’t cry, Jade,” Dave begged, “I’m sorry.” 

“No, you’re not,” she repeated herself, hiding her face in her hands, her glasses sliding up her face so she could rub at her eyes, “You’re relieved.” 

Dave didn’t say anything to that. Rose knew, why, too, it was because he  _ was  _ relieved and so was John, most probably. They didn’t have to deal with their respective wives anymore. Rose wasn’t a crier, and she didn’t feel like she needed to cry, but her stomach was sinking every time the realization set in deeper and so many things she’d equated over the years to nothing suddenly meant something. 

“So you’re fucking him?” Jade asked Dave suddenly, her voice muffled by her hands, “You’ve been fucking him this whole time? And you were fucking me, too, with a dick that was tainted by my  _ cousin?”  _

He cringed. “Jesus, don’t put it like that…” 

Her eyeliner was even more smudged and her mascara was smearing when she pulled her hands away. “How else do you expect me to put it! You’re leaving my ass for my goddamn cousin! John Egbert! My  _ male _ cousin! After you spend  _ days _ trying to convince me to change my last name to yours instead of hyphenating it!  _ Days!  _ I bet you’d hyphenate for John!” 

If there wasn’t a person in the restaurant staring at their table, surely they must be deaf.

John cleared his throat. “Speaking of hyphenation…”

“No way in hell,” Rose said automatically, “You cannot be about to say you’re going to marry my jackass of a brother directly after divorcing me.” 

John coughed. 

“Oh, fuck you!” Rose exclaimed, cool and collected demeanor damned.

“Dave’s already got it taken care of!” Jade shouted, a gaggle of waiters nearby looked like they wanted to interfere, but they didn’t. It was obvious why, too. Rose had been sadly mistaken. Jade could be  _ terrifying. _ “How are we going to tell our family, John? Answer me that! Were you just going to casually mention you’re marrying my ex-husband that’s been cheating on me for half of our marriage?”

“Ummm…” he glanced all the around the table with wide eyes, as if the answer would pop up out of nowhere. “I don’t know?” 

Jade took another piece of bread and threw it at him. 

“Jade!” Dave looked like he wanted to stand, but she turned on him. 

“I am not dealing with your shit right now, Dave!” she grabbed her purse, “I am  _ leaving! _ And you are  _ sleeping on the couch!" _

She pushed back her chair and started to leave, then paused and looked over at Rose. “Feferi dropped me off. I need you to drive me home.”

Rose nodded, cast a last glance at John, then stood up. “Come on. You two can enjoy your dinner.” 

Then, as one last dramatic action, she slid off her wedding ring and placed it on the table.

They left the restaurant, leaving John and Dave to be stared at while sitting at a wreck of a table. Dave grabbed his drink and took the last sip of it. “That could’ve gone better.” 

“Oh, gee, you think, Dave?”

**Author's Note:**

> [here's my personal blog.](http://luciferslittlekitten.tumblr.com/)   
>  [here's my writing blog.](http://gods--among--us.tumblr.com/)   
> 


End file.
